Personal emails and chats from friends and family. Work and study related emails. An email telling me I got that paid internship and was traveling (yay!) to Germany for the summer. Or the other one, telling me I was going to go and live in Arizona for two years. An email, which mistakenly but tellingly found its way to spam, telling me that no, you did not get that job you really hoped for.
Big emails. Emails with news that have the potential of changing your life.
And as I sit these times, day in and day out, I stare at my email. I stare at it as if it somehow holds the clue to the rest of my life.
But email has become almost a friend and, in truth, I feel emotionally invested and connected to it. It links so many different aspects of my life. Perhaps that was Google's intention all along. My gmail is probably the single most important account of anything I have. Pretty much my entire life exists on it with no exaggeration.
This has resulted in a love hate relationship. I stare at my email as if As if it already knows the truth but is just being coy and toying with me for its own twisted amusement. As if it has stopped being the conduit and has become the source.
I just keep staring at my email. All while listening to the Eels. You really can't go wrong with the Eels when looking for the most awesomely amazing genius miserably depressing music ever. Oddly that makes it paradoxically uplifting. Mark Everett has yet to fail to make me feel better: Novocaine for the Soul indeed.
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